went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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