ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
