think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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