We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
