Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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