I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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