I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
