I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
