i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
