She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
