They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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