So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
