life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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