the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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