I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so let's talk penis.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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