Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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