Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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