I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
