I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
