he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
A+ Viking dick
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
