You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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