I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
