You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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