new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize