Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
