$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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