oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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