Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
