look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
