She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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