I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
