my phone needs a breathalizer
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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