I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
