you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize