I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
