why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
