She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I believe in your delicious
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
