i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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