he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
