I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
