thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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