Don't you send me to vm
She's JV to your varsity
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
