well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
