hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
