no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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