Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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