cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
