Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
