my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
