The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
