shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
