If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
