Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
