What did we do last night that was yellow?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
