I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
