I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
