Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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