are you still at the devil's house?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
