on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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