I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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