Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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