I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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