please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
