I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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