This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
