do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
