Small penises have feelings too.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
