I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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