Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
