Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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