I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
