I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
