I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You can't special order awesome
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
