cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
