I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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