come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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