We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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