if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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