Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
